Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
