My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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