I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
