god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
