Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
