I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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