It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
