Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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