I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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