if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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