At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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