I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
