Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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