I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
