shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
