I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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