You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
