Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
