you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
