saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize