Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
