called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
