things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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