sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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