Can Purell be used as lube?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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