We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
