youre lurking in front of me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
