It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
