I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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