I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I supernannyed him into submission
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
