I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
