dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize