Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
