My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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