i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize