where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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