can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
