conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
