if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ketchup is God's man juice
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Houston, we have a squirter
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
