in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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