Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
