I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
