I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
