I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
