Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
