Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
