I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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