She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
