I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
