You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
