Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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