Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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