Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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