i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
