Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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