i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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