he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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