Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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