And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
