All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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