Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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