This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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