So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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