I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
