I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
